1. The fattest knight at King Arthurís round table was Sir Circumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
 
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
 
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but I loved her still.
 
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
 
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
 
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, itíll still be stationery.
 
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
 
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
 
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
 
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
 
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ďYou stay here; Iíll go on ahead.Ē
 
14. I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ďKeep off the Grass.Ē
 
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ďNo change yet.Ē
 
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
 
18. Itís not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didnít have the balls for it.
 
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
 
20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
 
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
 
22. In a democracy itís your vote that counts. In feudalism itís your count that votes.
 
23. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.
 
  1. Donít join dangerous cults: practice safe sects!
  2.  
  3. If a cannibal eats a clown, does it taste funny?